It was six years ago today when we had to say hello and goodbye. It has been six long years of not being able to hold you, laugh with you and raise you. So many dreams were taken away from us in mere seconds.
I always thought that as the years passed this day would get easier. It hasn’t gotten easier; it just gets different. Some years we have released balloons for you. One year we did a remembrance walk. This year we just visited with you. I always want to plan something big and grand for your birthday. I have come to realize that it doesn’t matter what we do because nothing can bring you back to me.
Losing you just still doesn’t make sense. You were absolutely perfect. No amount of testing told us otherwise. There was no reason why your heart stopped beating. There was no reason why you couldn’t come home with us. Even if there had been something that caused you to be stillborn I don’t think it would have made any sense to me. It’s just not the natural order of things.
I will always wish I would have held you longer. I will always have wanted more time with you. I will always long for things to be different. I can only hope that you know how much we love you. You were so wanted.
I hope it’s beautiful up there, Mason. Someday we will meet again. Until then save a seat for mommy <3